“Very Demure, Very Mindful”: The Trend That Reveals the Hidden Dangers of Conformity
When Jools Lebron released a satirical TikTok, coining the phrase “Very Demure, Very Mindful,” likely didn’t anticipate the cultural earthquake that would follow. The clever, tongue-in-cheek commentary on the absurd expectations placed on women struck a chord, but the aftermath has exposed something even more profound: a divide in how women understand and internalize cultural pressures.
Recognize the Game
Most women who watched Lebron’s TikTok are sharp, confident, and aware of the world around them, the “Very Demure, Very Mindful” trend was immediately recognizable as satire. They saw Lebron’s exaggerated take on propriety as a way to highlight the ridiculousness of trying to be everything to everyone — assertive but not too much, attractive but not too bold, mindful but never too outspoken.
These women understand that cultural expectations often come wrapped in pretty packages, but underneath the ribbons and bows, they’re just another way to keep women small. They know that the true mark of a confident woman is her ability to see through these superficial demands and laugh at them. For them, this trend is just another opportunity to shake their heads at the absurdity of it all and refuse to play the game.
Don’t Fall for the Facade
Here’s the problem: not every woman recognizes the satire. There’s a significant number of women who’ve embraced the “Very Demure, Very Mindful” trend as genuine advice. They’ve taken Lebron’s mock-serious tone and run with it, believing that being demure and mindful is the key to approval, success, or love.
This is where things get dangerous. When women start to believe that conforming to these outdated ideals is the way to win in life, they’re not just missing the joke — they’re reinforcing the very stereotypes that have kept women in a box for centuries. And it doesn’t stop there. Many of these women are finding themselves drawn into online communities like Red Pill Women on Reddit, where the advice they receive isn’t just misguided; it’s downright harmful.
A Dangerous Echo Chamber
In these online communities, the advice often comes from men who are more interested in keeping women in line than in helping them grow. These spaces promote a Stepford-like Trad Wives mentality, where women are encouraged to be submissive, docile, and always ready to please. The message is clear: the more you conform, the more you’ll be loved. But let’s be real — this isn’t love; it’s C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
These communities are nothing short of echo chambers that teach women to dim their lights and shrink themselves to fit into a mold designed by someone else. And the scariest part?
Many women don’t even realize they’re being manipulated. They’re being brainwashed into believing that their worth is tied to how well they can play the role of the “perfect woman” as defined by someone who doesn’t have their best interests at heart.
The fact that so many women are buying into this trend and the toxic advice that comes with it should be a wake-up call for any decent human out here. It’s a sign that despite all the progress we’ve made, the pressure to conform to outdated ideals is still incredibly powerful. Women are being seduced by the idea that if they’re just “demure” and “mindful” enough, they’ll finally be enough. But that’s a lie, and deep down, the smart, confident woman knows it.
This isn’t just about a TikTok trend; it’s about the broader issue of how easily women can be led astray when they don’t recognize the game that’s being played. The trend is a symptom of a larger problem — one where women are still being told, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, that they need to fit into a specific mold to be valued.
The Power of Individual Choice
So, what’s the takeaway? It’s time to take back control of the narrative. Women need to be reminded that their worth isn’t tied to how well they can play the role of the demure, mindful woman. True confidence comes from knowing who you are, what you want, and refusing to let anyone else dictate that for you.
The smart woman knows that she doesn’t need to conform to anyone’s idea of who she should be. She recognizes the trends for what they are — temporary distractions that shouldn’t dictate how she lives her life. She’s too busy building her own dream life, living on her own terms, and enjoying the freedom that comes from being unapologetically herself.
Jools Lebron’s viral moment has done more than just entertain; it’s shone a light on the deep divide in how women perceive and respond to outside pressures. For those who see through the facade, the trend is a joke — one that they’re in on, and one that empowers them to reject the nonsense.
But for those who’ve been caught in the trap, it’s a reminder of how easy it is to lose yourself in the pursuit of approval. The key is to stay awake, stay aware, and never forget that the only person who gets to define you is you. The confident woman doesn’t play by anyone else’s rules — she makes her own, and she’s better for it.
References:
“The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling” by Arlie Russell Hochschild — Hochschild’s work on emotional labor provides a lens to understand how women are often expected to perform certain emotional roles, including being demure and mindful, to meet culture’s expectations.
“The Beauty Myth” by Naomi Wolf — Wolf’s seminal work addresses how standards of beauty are used to manipulate and control women, resonating with the pressures revealed by the “Very Demure, Very Mindful” trend.
“The Second Sex” by Simone de Beauvoir — A foundational text that dissects the constructs around femininity, providing a philosophical framework for understanding how these constructs continue to shape women’s lives today.
“Stepford Wives” by Ira Levin — The novel that inspired the metaphorical reference used in the article, depicting a dystopian society where women are reduced to mindless, obedient housewives.
“The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love” by Bell Hooks — This book offers insights into how patriarchal culture affects both men and women, revealing the broader context of why certain ideals of femininity persist.
“The Female Persuasion” by Meg Wolitzer — A novel that examines the complexities of female ambition and the different ways women navigate social expectations.
“Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny” by Kate Manne — Manne’s analysis of misogyny helps explain why certain communities push women towards submissive roles and how this impacts their autonomy.
“Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men” by Caroline Criado Perez — This book highlights the systemic issues that arise from designing social norms and structures around male perspectives, paralleling the issues discussed in the article.
“Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead” by Sheryl Sandberg — Sandberg’s work emphasizes the importance of women taking charge of their own destinies in the workplace and beyond, rejecting the demure persona.
